Steve Kelsey: Local councils must dance to a different tune

How interesting, then, to learn from the recent Tonight exposé that, for some local authorities, their response to all this effort is to ship the lot 5,000 miles to India where it is dumped on pristine farmland.

Top job chaps. Award yourselves a productivity bonus, or, as we mere mortals call them, a rate increase. Some small details you may have overlooked are noted below to help you get a start on the rebuttals.

It's illegal; it is extravagantly wasteful of resources and money; it harms once-pristine farmland; and the crap that is imported is considered to be toxic waste by the Indian government. One more trivial point in the grand scheming of things: it totally destroys the goodwill and consensus for change that has been building up over the past few years among consumers.

Apart from that you are entirely blameless and in the clear. Jolly good – I wouldn't want a single one of you to feel any sense of remorse or responsibility for your actions.

If I might make a few more suggestions to ensure you can keep yourselves entirely blameless. Don't bother blaming the contractor, as it's still your responsibility to ensure they comply with the law. You are a form of government, after all. Avoid at all costs any linkage between the fines you have been charging for irresponsible behaviour by householders and your own irresponsibility: they may want their money back. Also, it's probably not a good idea to admit that you have been dumping on India because you never have really got your act together in the first place, there are some legal issues surrounding competence that you really ought to avoid if possible.

If I were you, I'd come clean and then get on with doing the job properly. Although no one will like you very much, at least you will avoid a fine and a criminal record – unlike your ratepayers.

* Steve Kelsey is partner at PI Group. Send comments for Steve to packagingnews.editorial@haymarket.com